DS: Ah, enough about cars, lets get back to business! Time for a little TLC!
SM: Tables, Ladders and Chairs, my friends! It’s the three way Tag-Team TLC match for the BWA Tag-Team Titles!
DS: And there they are, hanging 40 feet in the air!
SM: The first team to grab those belts, wins them!
“Lee” by Tenacious D hits the PA and both Scott Lee and Michael Hardcastle, accompanied by Jessica Parker, appear on the ramp as gold pyro shoots into the air.
JS: The following match is for the Tag-Team Championship. The first team in this match hail from Hollywood, California, USA. They come at a combined weight of 473 pounds. They are Scott Lee and Michael Hardcastle… THE HOLLYWOODS!
Lee and Hardcastle strike poses for the crowd before confidently strolling to the ring and awaiting the start of the match. “Psycho Circus” by Kiss kicks in as Jack Blood makes his way to the ring while Ozmod showboats down the ramp playing to the crowd and teasing his opponents.
JS: Our second team are a combined weight of 490 pounds and are made up of “The Jack of All Trades” Jack Blood and Ozmod The Great….. THE PSYCHO CIRCUS!!
“Ming’s Theme” by Queen then kicks in, and from a puff of smoke out comes Mick the Merciless and Faceless the Minion. Mick rears back and laughs maniacally, before making his way down to the ringside area, clad in a purple cape that covers his entire body. He climbs in the ring, as Faceless shrugs off to the corner. Mick raises his arms in victory, one hand a clenched fist, the other holding his spatula of death.
JS: And the final team in this match come from an Ultra Super Super Secret Lair and weigh in at a combined 462 pounds. They are Mick the Merciless and Faceless the Minion…. THE VILLAINOUS FIENDS!!
SM: Well all three teams are in the ring and ready to go at it here.
DING-DING-DING
DS: And referee Mark Dagger calls for the bell. I gotta say that everyone better beware of Mick in this match. That Spatula of his… that could leave a nasty graze!
All six men go crazy inside the ring for a moment until Scott Lee tosses Faceless the Minion over the top rope. Faceless uses this opportunity to grab the ladder and set it up just outside the ring. He climbs it quickly and looks set to leap onto the five men still brawling in the ring. Just then Hardcastle whips Mick the Merciless into the ropes, which knocks the ladder slightly. Faceless looks in shock as the ladder topples over and he crashes to the arena floor!
DS: Ooh, what a fall!
SM: And so early in the match! How’s Faceless going to recover from that one!
Hardcastle has taken Mick down with a Spinebuster and heads to the top rope, looking for an elbow drop. The Psycho Circus have just double-teamed Scott Lee in the other corner and now head for Hardcastle. Michael spots them coming and takes them both down with a flying double clothesline. Mick is back to his feet and is attempting to sneak up behind Hardcastle, who is taunting the crowd. But Faceless has put the ladder up again and looks to launch himself onto Hardcastle. He jumps into the ring but Hardcastle spots him and dodges, Faceless instead takes out Mick the Merciless much to the amusement of the crowd!
SM: What a mistake from Faceless! He’s not having a great match so far!
DS: Well he’s an evil sidekick, Mayo. That’s what evil sidekicks do, mess up royally! Did you never watch Dastardly at Mutley at work?
With all six men in the ring again it’s complete chaos until Jack Blood and Ozmod both slide out of the ring, leaving the Hollywoods and the Fiends to go at it. Jack grabs a table, and Ozmod the ladder. Jack sets up the table on the entrance ramp, and Ozmod slides the ladder into the ring. Mick spots the ladder coming in and manages to land a baseball slide onto it, pushing it back into Ozmod’s face. Ozmod stumbles back and falls onto the table that Jack Blood just set up. Mick rushes up onto the turnbuckle and dives onto Ozmod, putting him through the table! Jack Blood looks on in amazement before grabbing Mick and laying into him. Back inside the ring the Hollywoods are double-teaming Faceless, who attempts to call out to his boss. Hardcastle sets up Faceless for a German suplex, and he nails the move. While Hardcastle is still holding onto Faceless, Lee connects with a drop kick from the second rope onto the Minion! Hardcastle drags Faceless up again and nails another German Suplex, and again with the leg drop from Scott Lee. Hardcastle pulls Faceless up for a third German suplex and Lee nails a third leg drop from the second rope!
SM: Great double-teaming from Lee and Hardcastle!
DS: Nice combination of moves too, the German Suplex and the Leg drop!
Ozmod is still laid out as Blood and Mick brawl up the aisle. Blood nails a snap suplex and heads back to get a chair. He grabs a chair and rushes for Mick, who rolls out of the way, Blood nailing the floor instead of his opponent. Mick sweeps the leg of Blood, who falls backwards, and the chair flies out of his hands and lands on his face! Mick sets the chair up and pulls Blood back to his feet. Mick whips Blood towards the ring, but pulls him back again and nails a Flapjack… Bloods face landing right on the seat of the chair!
DS: SWEET JESUS!
SM: That’s gonna leave a mark! Blood is busted open after that flapjack onto the upright steel chair!
Mick celebrates as he walks back towards the ring, where he is met by Faceless as Mike Hardcastle throws him out of the ring. The Villainous Fiends crash to the floor as Scott Lee grabs the ladder and tosses it into the ring for Hardcastle to set up. With Blood, Ozmod, Mick and Faceless all down Hardcastle begins to climb for the belts.
SM: This could be it, we could have a great win for The Hollywoods!
Ozmod has begun to stir, and Scott Lee cuts him off. Mick is also back up and manages to slide into the ring. He rushes for the ladder and dropkicks it! Hardcastle falls off the ladder as it falls, and he lands right in front of the commentary table! Lee and Ozmod are both back in the ring, and Blood and Hardcastle are also getting back to their feet. Mick puts the ladder over his head and begins to spin around and around. Lee attempts to go for Mick but is smacked in the head by the ladder and goes down. Ozmod tries, and he too gets smashed in the face. Blood is back in the ring and lunges for Mick, but he too goes down from a ladder shot to the chops.
DS: Nice technique from Mick here, taking out all comers!
SM: But surely he’s going to be very dizzy now!
Mick stops spinning just as Faceless climbs back into the ring. Mick sets up the ladder and looks set to climb, but he’s so dizzy he misses the first step and falls over! Faceless then rushes for the ladder, and begins to climb. He gets half way up when Michael Hardcastle slides back into the ring and climbs up the other side. The two meet at the top and Hardcastle out powers the Villainous Fiend. Hardcastle hoists Faceless onto his shoulders!
SM: MY GOD NO! NOT THE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER FROM UP THERE!
Hardcastle signals that the DVD is his intent, but Mick stumbles into the ladder whilst trying to stand up again, and Hardcastle looses balance. Hardcastle falls backwards, and lands an inadvertent Samoan Drop from the top of the ladder!!
DS: HA HA HA! This is hilarious! I’ve never seen such great comedy!
Then the ladder falls onto Hardcastle… right into his groin!
DS: OOOH! I take that back, there’s nothing funny about that!
The entire male portion of the audience Oooh’s along with “The Man” as Mike Hardcastle rolls around on the mat. Ozmod and Jack Blood have helped each other up, and they grab the ladder, using it to clothesline Mick the Merciless. Outside the ring Scott Lee has set up two tables, and made his way around to the opposite side of the ring. Ozmod picks up Mick and Blood grabs Hardcastle. Blood nails the Black Jack, while Ozmod pulls off a release Fisherman Suplex. They then set up the ladder and both climb together, one on either side. Scott Lee spots his chance and slides back into the ring. He pushes the ladder and it topples over, Jack and Ozmod fall out of the ring and through a table on the other side! Scott Lee goes to grab the ladder but Faceless is back up and nails a Reverse DDT. Faceless kicks Lee out of the ring and sets up the ladder once more. He begins to climb but Hardcastle is back up again and grabs hold of Faceless….
SM: POWERBOMB!! Faceless is out of it!
Hardcastle then begins to climb the ladder and reaches the top, his finger tips just touching the belts but he’s not high enough to grab them. He gets ready to step onto the top of the ladder as Mick the Merciless manages to get to the ladder. Hardcastle still can’t get the belts off as Mick climbs up after him. Mick nails Mike between the legs, and looks for a Superplex off the ladder! Hardcastle still has one hand on the belts and as Mick pulls off the big suplex the belts come loose. Hardcastle lands hard on Faceless the Minion and Mick somehow ends up with the belts in his hand.
DING-DING-DING
JS: Ladies and Gentlemen your winners, and NEW BWA Tag-Team Champions…. Mick the Merciless and Faceless the Minion…. THE VILLAINOUS FIENDS!!!!
SM: My God! How the heck did Mick pull that one off?
DS: No Idea, Mayo. Somehow he came away with the belts in his hands! But poor poor Faceless! He’s taken quite a few big bumps in that match!
SM: But it’s earned him the right to call himself a champion! Folks, you are watching BWA Resurrection, LIVE from Wembley Arena!
DS: In association with five, the home of BWA UpRising!